I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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