He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Betty ford says i'm here all night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
