Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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