This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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