I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
