i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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