Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
