So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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