Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
