What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
