I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize