Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
