Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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