im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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