what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
