fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
