i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
