i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
