Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this will be a night to untag.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
