there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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