You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
