I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i barfeds in our rink
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
home. puking in laundry basket.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
