1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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