Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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