My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
