are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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