while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
