i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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