see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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