Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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