Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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