Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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