shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
