I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
