its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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