I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
