the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
