Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
