in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
another moral hangover. fuck.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
