Michael Bay diarrhea
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
