no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Holy shit dude........stairs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
