I need help removing her.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
