Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
