Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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