My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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