I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
