just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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