It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
