my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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