Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
