i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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