apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
