It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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