ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
