you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
