I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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