there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize