He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
