Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
