My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
